Starting Over

As the tags and title demonstrate, this is a coming to terms with my reality. After much time off due to the completion of graduate school  and the ensuing debauchery of submitting my thesis, I had been taken away from my routine and workouts due to both stress-induced illness and more immediate priorities. 

Within this time, it came to my attention how unhealthy and inaccurate both my commitment and relationship were in regards to my training. Having to now scale back funds due to unemployment (read: canceling the gym membership, among other subscriptions: Pro+, etc), as well as taking the time off from GB. It led me to realize that it was long past time for me to reassess my priorities and to potentially refocus the philosophy of my training.

I realized that my commitment to GB started to become less about quality and the enjoyment of the workout and more so a manifestation of an obsessive compulsion within me towards pursuing perfect workouts, perfect practice and follow-through with my meal planning, even if that came at the cost of other benefits: socially, emotionally, mentally, that are inherent to a healthy, well-rounded life. It became unhealthy and unrealistic. Furthermore, I'm not a physical trainer, I don't live in a gym and despite personal passions towards improved holistic health and function, I will not likely ever become employed in that line of work. Assuming as such, and my attempts to keep pace with those that live and breathe such a lifestyle (as some members on this forum rightfully and conveniently do out of personal choice and professional employment) is unrealistic and unsustainable as my body and mind have tried to tell me (by my getting sick, getting injured, and becoming even more entrenched in my neuroses).

My insistent push past my limits in pursuit of greatness and of a reality that is neither my own nor which I, or my body, was ready for or capable of burnt me out time and again. I wasn't yet physically capable of that which I felt I needed to be and instead lead myself to injury (see: shoulder impingement and Piriformis pain), by trying to make haste hastily. 

As of today, I'm quite definitely back at square one. In the time since completing school, I (full disclosure) gave another program that shall not be named a shot for a few weeks to see if that might improve things. I saw that while my OCD was initially diminished, the program had distinct holes in it, which allowed for more variance and individuality to be involved within those programs' structures, but because of that variance I found myself again compensating by obsessively seeking alternatives and overambitiously trying to push past what I was capable of (again pursuant of an OCD mindset just in another manifestation). 

So, here I am. Almost two years on from buying Foundations and still at PE1, and that's okay. I have limited space and limited equipment, and that's okay. Going forward I intend to dial it back and dial it in honestly and patiently. I will use blocks and restricted ROM where necessary (and given my time over the last six months hunched over a computer, it will likely be necessary for a lot of places). Realistically, my Manna, Hollow Body Press, and Side Lever training will be severely hindered by my lack of Olympic bars, parallel, and stall bars in my NYC apartment. And that, too, is still okay. My front lever work, straddle planche work, single leg squat, and rope climb will go on uninhibited for the time being. What is more, MN, SL, and HBP will still see initial improvements (up to the point that I can perform V-ups, Side-Over Arches, and Bench Dips, respectively, along with their mobilities with perfect form implying the mastery of earlier, quite challenging movements--I see, you, MN/PE2 and HBP/PE3) along the way as they will likely take me some time to master. For the time being, I have enough to work with. First things first (so no need at the time for Press Handstand. I first want a handstand). Enough so that I will likely and hopefully only be physically ready for later movements by a time that I am also financially able to afford stall bars and parallel bars  (and living in a place with the physical space to install them). And this is all okay. I'm no longer intent on chasing dragons and seeking heights of those employed in this field or immersed in GST since 4 years old, but about making honest, healthy, and quality improvement that reflects my own capacity and achievement. 

So, my apologies for the long-windedness, but more than anything this is a testament/confession to myself to go forward in earnest and to do so slowly and within my limits. If I'm to ever overcome my neurotic inclination towards perfection and control it necessitates that I do it in this way. Approaching health and fitness from a pseudo-orthorexic mindset or with an OCD outlook has been quite detrimental to my physical, mental, and emotional health so far, as well my projection of this onto others (albeit with intermittent periods of sunshine and rainbows). Doing GB from home will likely hinder the improvement of certain elements, but so be it, that's okay. Something is better than nothing, even if everything is what's desired. Going forward I owe it to myself to make haste slowly and to do that consistently and realistically with where I'm at day-to-day.

I look forward to starting this process of getting to know my body all over again; and, in doing this again, doing it the right way. (I also plan to spend less time on the forums and more time on the actual workouts and my own self-improvement, so let's see that I keep to my word).

Good luck Daniel 

It's very beneficial to pause, review and reflect. Self-awareness is a useful tool for making life the best fit for you. 

We all do with what we have available. If you have no access to equipment, work around it or see if you can find substitutions. With that said I would like underline the importance of a balanced workout. As an example, a workout without RC exercises at all will build an imbalanced physique prone to injuries.

We all train for health, and if you need to treat your training in a certain way to remain as healthy as possible, that is what you must do. Who knows, circumstances might also change one day.

Best of luck to you in your training.

Circumstances changing for the better is to be hoped for. But in the meantime, making due and making peace with the way circumstances are now is of greater importance (I do, of course, recognize the problem of imbalances which is one of the holes I saw in the program I dabbled in. I intend to maintain at least some level of activity with all seven foundation exercises, even if less than a best-case scenario. Hopefully, though, I don't default back on chasing dragons towars perfection in the process...)

Congrats Daniel on your revelation! Surely your thoughts will strike a cord with those who feel or have felt that way at some point. Approaching fitness and health with an OCD mindset is actually more common than we think! We’re all somewhat guilty of it to a more or less degree, or at some point in life.

The tyranny of our aspirations and thoughts.

“Square one” is good. Much better than being on “square ten” and realizing you’re not having fun! I know how frustrating it is to not be able to punch your way out of a paper bag of your own making so to speak. When we aspire to achieve certain skills, or wish things were different (tight periformis how can I forget you), or simply resist to accepting what is for what it is, well, it all comes with a great deal of suffering or anxiety of sorts.  

I like when you said “I have enough to work with.” This is something that often escapes our consciousness. It’s easy to get caught up on feeling empty or lacking, especially when we are short on funds or look around and see all the material abundance that surrounds us. Not to mention, we’re constantly exposed in SM to stunning movement skills, while we conveniently forget that they took years to acquire. This last point is of personal interest to me.

While I certainly admire the dedication of athletes and movers who have been training since the age of 4-6 and who achieved great skills before they turn 20, I’m equally or more so impressed by the accomplishments of those adults who start training in their 40’s, 50’s, 70’s… after decades of sitting, injuries and other abuses, who later in life decide to seek out a better way. I love working with folks who have come to terms (reluctantly of not) with having a healthier, more loving relationship with their bodies and who continue to make efforts to take more sustainable steps. After all, getting to know your body (and yourself) is probably the most important relationship you will ever have!

I used to be a “perfectionist” and have worked consciously to change that and other traits about myself that used to cause me undue emotional pain. I’d say it’s a life practice that gets easier with time as new empowering choices ignite more nourishing ones that become part of who you are, to the point that I’m now a different person than who I as 20 years ago. Of course, from time to time friends will call me out on being too picky, but I can laugh and it doesn’t bother me a bit because it’s usually being “picky” about important qualities, such as the level of integrity of a person or a business where I will not compromise with subpar performance or excuses – not the small stuff.

Kudos for giving yourself permission to start over! If you "do as good as you can" (my bullet-proof perfectionist cure) without overdoing it, without judging and smiling!... Then you’re probably going to be very happy going forward. Bye-bye OCD.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Particularly when you are focusing on something else massive, i think its entirely understandable to have your discipline and dedication from one field bleed into another.

The important thing, as above, is to ensure there are times when you take a breath and re evaluate.

You've done that, and i look forward to hearing yoyr benefits from it.

Congratulations on finishing your postgrad

On ‎5‎/‎7‎/‎2016 at 5:17 PM, Daniel Taylor-Shaut said:

I also plan to spend less time on the forums

Blasphemy!

Come on Daneil... Surely you can't be serious. I am serious, and...

1 minute ago, Ryan Bailey said:

Blasphemy!

Come on Daneil... Surely you can't be serious. I am serious, and...

 

 

"We have clearance, Clarence." "Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?"

There he is... I knew the forum fast wouldn't last

Bouncing in on the forums makes you FEEL better when you're tied to a computer (doesn't progress start with understanding?). Or at least, I think that's my dysfunctional logic for the time I spend on the forum when I'm working. When in reality, if I was more efficient working, maybe I'd have more time for training...

Best of luck on your new you now that grad school is over. It's a new chapter of life, and I'm excited to see how you write it!

First things first, as Coach would say. Sort out the job uncertainty, and the rest will more or less fall into place. 

In terms of physical prep, once you have taken the red GST-pill, you cannot go back, ever. In that sense, you'll never be able to put GST away for good.

yeah man it sounds like you have had a very stressful life recently, which would make consistent training extremely difficult for anyone.  And the only person you need to compare yourself to is yourself.  I feel jealous of a lot of peoples' strength and skills here, but that's a pretty pointless thing to feel.  I have been a lazy-ass video gamer for most of my life, sedentary, weak, and lacking mobility.  And when I did work out in the past I sometimes bit off more than I could chew.  And even when I didn't, my workout plans sucked big time.  And I wasn't consistent.  lol.  So my challenges are different than someone who is an athlete or has previous gymnastic or strength training experience.  But that's the way it is, no getting around it.  So I compare myself to myself six months ago, and I'd say I'm on the right track!

I've been in a similar place Daniel. I've also had gymnastic bodies for 2 years and I'm still doing mostly PE1s. Earlier this year I made a commitment to focus on consistency and not intensity and I was making great progress but then I got the flu and it took my body a long time to recover. So now I'm starting over again easing back into it instead of trying to pick back up where I left off. I try not to think about is as starting over but as review. Doing something is better than doing nothing and the more you work the movements the better you will get. Also I have learned mobility should always be top priority if you want to succeed. 

On ‎09‎/‎05‎/‎2016 at 0:31 PM, Mikkel Ravn said:

In terms of physical prep, once you have taken the red GST-pill, you cannot go back, ever. In that sense, you'll never be able to put GST away for good.

Oh no, I chose the Blue pill!! Does that mean I will wake up tomorrow and believe whatever I want to believe?  I won't stay in wonderland, nor see how deep the rabbit hole goes?  ZombieLife sucks.....

6 minutes ago, Paul Gray said:

Oh no, I chose the Blue pill!! Does that mean I will wake up tomorrow and believe whatever I want to believe?  I won't stay in wonderland, nor see how deep the rabbit hole goes?  ZombieLife sucks.....

You're in here, ergo you took the red pill.

The blue pill amounts to looking at the course material and thinking: "Nah. This is too hard/too complicated/challenges my perceptions too much"...

Once you pop, you can't stop.

Hahaha!  Or the other reaction when I first saw Foundation 1 - too easy....this is child's play, what have I paid for?

Then I attempt it and get my ass thoroughly kicked and realise - there's sooooo much more to this than meets the eye!  Hence the need for so many people to go back to square one and constantly fix weaknesses.

Yeah, I'm realizing my deficiencies and the shoulder/hip pain I felt when training is gone thanks to stretches I've only just recently started and scaling back with the stretch series. Recognizing that I was pushing my ROM waaay too much. The progressions feel much better even though the ROM is much reduced.

Shoulder pain is surprisingly just bicep tightness in a shoulder extension position, and hip pain is largely from too much sitting and piriformis tightness. These two problem areas still are illusory for me but at least the stretches provide temporary relief...

On 5/7/2016 at 6:17 PM, Daniel Taylor-Shaut said:

So, here I am. Almost two years on from buying Foundations and still at PE1, and that's okay. I have limited space and limited equipment, and that's okay. 

Something is better than nothing, even if everything is what's desired. 

I think you have short-changed yourself in terms of how much progress you've made during this time.

1. Even though you may still be at PE1 in most elements, if you hadn't begun GST when you did two years ago, you'd have had much more ground to cover if today was your starting point.

2. You have learned how to train properly or at least train better than if you were just starting out.

3. You have a better understanding of the toll that sitting at a desk all day, etc., does to our mobility and know how to fix that.

So all in all, you've actually made substantial gains even though many of these gains aren't directly reflected in forward advancement in the program.