I have done thousands of backflips in my career. I have had to relearn it multiple times because I keep getting injured, taking time off, and coming back into it. I've started stretching more and doing Foundation, and I feel like this has kept me injury free.
2 years ago, the day I came back from an ab injury that knocked me out for few months I started working my back tuck again. I kept under-rotating and to fix it I tried to jump higher. I stalled in midair and landed on my face. The physical damage was temporary but the mental scars have had an effect. I've done hundreds of backflips since then on all kinds of surfaces from spring floor to grass and I feel like there is always a slight tinge of fear in the back of my mind.
Well cut to today: my back flips feel better than ever before. I'm spotting in front of me on launch, and spotting the ground when I land. The whole reason I started this was to put them into my Capoeira game, so today I started working an Aou (cartwheel) into the backflip. I did a couple in the foam pit with substandard form, took a break, and got back to it.
For some reason I could not tuck. I did the cartwheel, popped up and just jumped back into the pit. I cannot explain what was holding me back but I must have tried 20 or more and just couldn't do it.
Frustrated I decided to just work on a few standing back tucks to get the feel and I could not even do a simple standing back tuck... into the foam pit! I think I had 20 failed attempts. I would just jump straight into the air and it's like my brain froze up. Sometimes it happened when I squatted down getting ready to explode up. I could feel my heart pounding when I tried and felt a cold sweat on my skin. It took a lot of psyching myself up before I could muster finally tucking. There was just no way I was going to try to do this on the floor.
I don't even know if there is a question here- I guess I'm just humiliated and frustrated. Part of me dreads that return back to the gymnastics facility. I'm 35 years old and I feel like I really haven't come far for the work I have put in (probably need to find a good coach but there aren't many that want to train adults). I guess any thoughts or feedback would be appreciated... sorry for the long post.